It is never a good sign when, after drinking two cups of coffee, I am dozing off as I pray. This morning I read two chapters in Tim Keller's Reason for God, closed my eyes to pray and woke up 45 minutes later under a quilt on the couch! (This is no indictment of Tim Keller -- his book is excellent!) Sadly, this happened has happened before. . . in my recent past.
Right now I am facing a mountain and rather than feeling exhilarated by the climb ahead, I am flat exhausted. Tired before I even start, looking for a chairlift, wondering if I could find a coffeehouse and just enjoy the mountain from a distance, hot drink in hand. I have had people tell me I don't need to climb this mountain. There is an easier way to the same destination. There are other people more skilled and conditioned to do the climbing for me. I agree with all of their words and have explored every escape option. But it is clear and unavoidable: God wants me to climb this mountain. . . and I don't have the skill or strength. This is where God steps in and provides the supplies I need. As usual God is not conventional, so instead of physical strength and a detailed mental map, He is giving me rations of courage (I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength), hope (all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes) and unquenchable love (greater love has no man than he lay down his life for his friends -- or kids or husband).
My mountain has many names, but I am calling it "Fool's Peak" or "The Mountain of Teenage Angst". Lots of other people have climbed it and lots of others are climbing it now. But this is my teenager and so this mountain is very personal for me. To climb it means to engage with a teenager who seems to want nothing to do with engagement. The destination is his God-given potential, so to climb the mountain is to believe every day that God is working in him. He is in process and every day is a new page, not the end of the story. To climb means to speak words that affirm his worth. To extend respect when he does nothing to deserve it. To respond with kindness when he is surly and belligerent. To hold him accountable with words of hope, not condemnation. But most of all, to climb this mountain means to stay in relationship with him when my natural impulse is to run, distract and distance until he's "come through" these turbulent years (translation: don't sit in the coffee house!).
My energy bar is God's word. God loves my teenager more than I do. His life is a miracle that God orchestrated. God is a master at working out stories of redemption. No one is too foolish or messed up for his redemptive work. I need to be reminded every day that there is more in play than I can see with my eyes. I see the steep climb; God sees the beauty. I see the rocks; God sees the destination. I see foolishness; God sees His image.
God also sees me. He equips me. He travels with me. He gives me what I need. I am climbing a mountain, but I'm not alone. And God knows when I need to rest under a quilt.
"The LORD is the everlasting god, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or
weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the
power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31
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