Facing the Mountain

     It is never a good sign when, after drinking two cups of coffee, I am dozing off as I pray.  This morning I read two chapters in Tim Keller's Reason for God, closed my eyes to pray and woke up 45 minutes later under a quilt on the couch!  (This is no indictment of Tim Keller -- his book is excellent!)  Sadly, this happened has happened before. . . in my recent past. 
    Right now I am facing a mountain and rather than feeling exhilarated by the climb ahead, I am flat exhausted.  Tired before I even start, looking for a chairlift, wondering if I could find a coffeehouse and just enjoy the mountain from a distance, hot drink in hand.  I have had people tell me I don't need to climb this mountain.  There is an easier way to the same destination.  There are other people more skilled and conditioned to do the climbing for me.  I agree with all of their words and have explored every escape option.  But it is clear and unavoidable:  God wants me to climb this mountain. . . and I don't have the skill or strength.  This is where God steps in and provides the supplies I need.  As usual God is not conventional, so instead of physical strength and a detailed mental map, He is giving me rations of courage (I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength), hope (all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes) and unquenchable love (greater love has no man than he lay down his life for his friends -- or kids or husband).
     My mountain has many names, but I am calling it "Fool's Peak" or "The Mountain of Teenage Angst".  Lots of other people have climbed it and lots of others are climbing it now.  But this is my teenager and so this mountain is very personal for me.  To climb it means to engage with a teenager who seems to want nothing to do with engagement.  The destination is his God-given potential, so to climb the mountain is to believe every day that God is working in him.  He is in process and every day is a new page, not the end of the story.  To climb means to speak words that affirm his worth.  To extend respect when he does nothing to deserve it.  To respond with kindness when he is surly and belligerent.  To hold him accountable with words of hope, not condemnation.  But most of all, to climb this mountain means to stay in relationship with him when my natural impulse is to run, distract and distance until he's "come through" these turbulent years (translation:  don't sit in the coffee house!).
    My energy bar is God's word.  God loves my teenager more than I do.  His life is a miracle that God orchestrated.  God is a master at working out stories of redemption.  No one is too foolish or messed up for his redemptive work.  I need to be reminded every day that there is more in play than I can see with my eyes.  I see the steep climb; God sees the beauty.  I see the rocks; God sees the destination.  I see foolishness; God sees His image.     
     God also sees me.  He equips me.  He travels with me.  He gives me what I need.  I am climbing a mountain, but I'm not alone.  And God knows when I need to rest under a quilt.

   "The LORD is the everlasting god, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or
     weary and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the
     power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
     but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.   They will soar on wings like eagles;
     they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:28-31
   

25 Days of Mercy

     I am always looking for a means of breaking away from the frenetic, consumer-oriented pace of the Christmas holidays!  If it is possible to love and hate a holiday, that describes my annual angst with Christmas.  So I was readily captivated this week when one of my friends casually mentioned doing 25 days of kindness.  It was no more than a passing comment, but it made a quick inroad into my heart.  The idea took shape the next day as I talked about it with some of the kids in the car.  "Let's think of some people we could encourage with kindness this Christmas.  We can plan some acts of kindness, but let's pray that God would show us a spontaneous act of kindness that we can do each day."  We had a "soft start" on Thursday when we went to bake cookies and play checkers with one set of grandparents.  Friday we  had some friends over.  But sad to say, the kindness train derailed today on the FIRST DAY OF DECEMBER!!  What do you do when your act of kindness (towards unnamed children) is rejected and their response is complaint?  This is "advanced kindness" and I don't have the syllabus! 
       Or do I?  Paul writes, ". . . that God's kindness leads you to repentance." (Romans 2:4)  I've read enough of the Bible to know that God's kindness has not always been well-received.  When God rescued the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt, the Jews returned God's lavish provisions with complaint and unbelief.  To read Exodus, it is almost embarassing how much God's people whine and complain.  It's the same words, different verse throughout the entire Old Testament.  It seems that human beings are bound by a common desire for "more" and inclination to complain and rebel against God.  And how does God respond?  He disciplines His people in a variety of ways, ultimately letting them lose their country's independence, all in an effort to turn their hearts back to Him. 
      But God's consumate kindness takes the form of a baby.  He sends a personal representative, His only son, to come into a terminally broken world and show God's love to a chronically stubborn and rebellious people.  But we don't usually call this breathtaking act an "act of kindness".  We call it an act of mercy -- God not punishing mankind for their rebellion against Him. . . even though they deserve it.  Instead God gave a gift, which cost Him greatly.  He withheld punishment and provided a means of redemption. 
     This is advanced kindness -- withholding judgment when judgment is deserved.  Mercy is a challenge to my justice-minded nature.  I trip over the unfairness of life far too often.  It is much easier to be kind to people whom I deem deserving.  Mercy is showing kindness to those who don't deserve it, again and gain and again, leaving the response and the outcome to God.
    Today began 25 Days of Mercy -- I just didn't know it until my act of kindness was thwarted!