A cliché turned upside down. . .

“It's more blessed to give than to receive.” These are words that I have heard since I was young. I swallowed them whole, never pausing to consider whether they were true. Of course, it was less selfish to give to others than to obsess about the things you wanted. Intellectually it made sense. Experientially, it did too. I remember being 9 years old and for the first time having money to purchase Christmas gifts for my family. I loved the searching and the secrecy. It really did feel great to focus on giving to others. And thus, this cliché about giving became and integrated, unquestioned part of my life.

But yesterday this belief somehow shook loose from the structure of my life and today I find myself wondering, maybe it's sometimes better to receive than to give. Yesterday marked an interesting culmination of gifts that have been given to us in recent weeks. I guess Mark being unemployed for 8 months and Christmas coming has stirred sympathy among many of our friends and family. Now, I do love receiving gifts. . . as much as giving. I love it when a friend sees a book and spontaneously buys it for me. I love it when my students give me little packages of hand lotion or gifts cards to Panera. I especially love it when Mark or one of my kids gets something “just right” for me. These are all people whom I love and I give to in many ways. So, when they give to me, it seems like part of a balance. It's not expected or demanded, but it seems like part of the normal give and take of our relationship. These are gifts that express appreciation for me. They have a basis.

But, in the last 6 weeks, the gifts we've received have been different. For one thing, they've been a little more extravagant. Friends paying for a weekend cabin in the mountains for our family; a family from our homeschool coop giving us tickets to a local Christmas concert; friends sending us a package of Omaha steaks; friends inviting us to see the Amy Grant/Vince Gill concert. Yesterday, I was humbled when we gathered with Mark's aunt and cousins who showered us with gifts. We brought very small, simple gifts for them; they lavished us and our kids with amazing gifts. It felt very undeserved, humbling. My sense of balance was completely thrown off. None of us had done anything to deserve these gifts and our own gift offerings were puny by comparison. It was hard to receive.

However, it was a gift card that upended my lifelong paradigm of gift-giving. Mark's parents gave him an envelop from some old neighbors. Tucked in the Christmas card were two gifts cards: a $50 card for gas and a $50 Food Lion card. Written in the card were kind wishes that 2011 would be better for us than 2010. I had to think hard to remember if I had ever met these neighbors from Mark's growing up years. Yes, they had come to our wedding. . . 20 years prior! But, we had not seen them since and here they were bestowing on us a great charity.

That's when the old cliché passed through my mind. “It is more blessed to give than receive.” At that moment I felt an odd combination of gratitude and humiliation. I wondered what people must think. Are people worried about us? Do they feel sorry for us? Have we really sunk to the level of receiving gift cards for groceries and gas? I felt undeserving. I could think of several other families who really needed that Food Lion card. Plus, we were receiving it from people for whom we had done NOTHING for. . . ever! There was no exchange, no balance.

Maybe it would be closer to the truth to say “it's easier to give than receive.” To give allows me to stay in control, to feel like I have something of worth, to make myself deserving of any gifts that come my way. Maybe, just maybe, for people who are fiercely independent and self-reliant it is better to learn how to receive. In receiving I am dependent, I am needy. I have only gratitude with which to respond. When I receive I am acknowledging that I need other people and that I'm meant to be part of a larger community who provides for one another.

Perhaps this is why I like religion, but often resist the message of Christ. I like religion because it offers rules and rewards. When I follow the rules and give my best effort, I become deserving of God's blessings. . . I think. But Jesus doesn't play by the rules. He sees through my best effort to a heart that is self-reliant and self-protective. He sees the deepest, most undeserving corners of my life and then audaciously says, “I want to give you something you can never earn. I have a gift you can never repay and that you don't deserve. And I want you to have it.” In my broken, needy condition, Jesus offers me the gift of forgiveness and redemption. I would be crazy to resist, but I do. I want to be the giver not the receiver. I want to deserve the gifts that I'm given. But, that's not the way of grace. Free, unmerited, eternal love from a Savior who does for me what I can't do for myself.

So this Christmas I am turning that old cliché upside down and asking Jesus to help me see that every undeserved gift that is bestowed on our family is just a faint picture of the bigger gift He offers me daily. I am learning how to receive.