We're packed and ready to leave early in the morning. . . but I can't sleep. Maybe it's the Guatemalan coffee I had earlier in the evening, but I know that it's partially this feeling that when I go to sleep and wake up this experience will be over.
Today has been a FULL day of ministry: doing devotions at the school this morning, helping in the 3-year-old class again (having the kids for an hour and a half without their teacher --- Ay karumba!), doing pedicures for the mamas in the orphanage and completing our final day of camp. Even in a foreign culture, my friend, "overcommitment" seems to accompany me! But I wouldn't have it any other way. I've taken in this week as deeply and intentionally as I could. My body is exhausted, but my soul feels alive and deeply satisfied.
My heart, however, is stirred by conflicting emotion. I am SO happy to have had this experience and so grateful that our entire family could serve together. I have loved seeing my kids engage and have their hearts captured by Guatemalan children. I love being here with part of our church community and serving should-to-shoulder with friends. Yesterday ended with Mark and I lying in bed with Graciela and Joshua, talking in the dark about our favorite parts of the day. It was sweet beyond words. Joshua and Audrey have especially connected with the kids here. Interestingly, our whole family has overlapped in some of the kids we are drawn to. Joshua had brought a lunchbox he wanted to give to one boy while he was here. He chose Rolando, a 9-year-old deaf boy he had bonded with. Audrey had brought a small stuffed bear she wanted to give to one girl while she was here. She chose 3-year-old Estella, Rolando's sister who is also deaf. Together we pooled some goodies for their other sister, Candi. Last night my heart was so full of gratitude to see Audrey and Joshua's compassion and to see God's artistry in drawing them to the same family group.
But my heart is also very sad to say good-bye. This morning at school devotions, I got choked up as I looked at so many beautiful faces and thanked the children for having us. We are one team of 45 teams who have come in 2012. These kids will most likely forget us. But I hope we will not forget them. I want to believe that God loves them so much that He brought us here and placed certain kids on each of our hearts so that we will continue to pray for them in the months, maybe years, ahead. I want to believe those prayers, offered for specific children can really make a difference in their lives. In my heart, I have a photo gallery of pictures that includes Rudy, Yuma, Marvin, Raul, Gavriel, Daniel, Suceli, Rolando, Candi, Estella, Lupe, Yuli, Marisol, Javier and Arturo. I want to remember and pray.
But I also fear that I will forget. There is so much at home that distracts me; so much that occupies my vision and blocks what is truly of eternal importance. I want to go home different. I want our family to be different. But I worry that we will lapse back into what is easy and comfortable. . . i.e. serving ourselves. Even if our family is not called to full-time missions, I would like for us to do life differently so that we could free up more money to invest in those who are called. I hope that we carry home with us a passion for caring for "the least of these" both in Guatemala and Greensboro and around the world.
This one thing I know: God care more about these children than I do. He cares more about spiritual and physical redemption that I do. He is incredibly persistent and creative in bringing us in line with His purposes. I fear becoming complacent and preoccupied with the wrong things. But God is generous in both igniting and sustaining passion for His kingdom.
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