Daily Bread

     Last week I read a soul-stirring devotional written by a dear friend's husband.  The topic was on praying for God to give us our daily bread.  He made the comparison of us receiving daily bread much like a hungry child consumes a meal -- taking big bites, scarfing it down quickly with no time to savor, eating as if she will never see food again.  In my house, the chief goal of completing dinner is to get to DESSERT!  Just as children can be greedy consumers, so can I.  As quickly as I receive God's provision in the midst of a crazy day, I often go on to act like He won't provide for tomorrow's problems.  So I worry and stir the waters of anxiety in my soul.
     Part of the problem is not taking "small bites", not savoring what God gives and letting it nourish trust in my starved soul.  But a bigger problem for me is not liking God's provision.  I want to hurry through the unpleasant to get to dessert.  Let me learn my lessons fast, so God will bring me blessing.  I'm not willing to savor the ongoing process of God nourishing my soul over time.  I want the quick and tasty spiritual blessings of peace and joy and love! ( Forget longsuffering, self-control and patience!)
    As I was processing this devotional the other morning, God brought a phrase from Psalm 23 to mind:  "You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies."  The meaning for me was instantly clear:  God is providing for me even when I feel oppressed.  Oppression is my enemy and is often accompanied by Despair, Anger, Unforgiveness and Self-Pity.  When difficulties  mount and pain swells, I am quite sure God is not providing for me.  I want my daily bread to be sweet, yummy and easy to swallow.  Anything less and I question the goodness of the One offering it. 
     But what if daily bread sometimes comes packaged differently?  What if God is actually nourishing my soul with a crazy diet of frustrated goals, relational pain and unmet longings?  To be perfectly frank, what I really want is to feed myself.  I would love a spiritual "meal planner" that left me inspired, motivated and more righteous.  I would like a 7-point plan for following God and having victory.  But I don't want to be reduced to a place of neediness and total dependence on God's provision.  That feels scary and very out-of-control.
      But I am suspecting that is precisely why God brings a crazy diet of dashed dreams, disappointments and pain.  He is bringing me to the end of feeding myself.  He is reducing me to a place of need, so to give me the spiritual food that really satisfies.  He is giving me the faith of a child and feeding me with simple truthes.  God is good.  He can be trusted.  He works ALL things to His good.  Jesus loves me.  Nothing can separate me from God's love.