GUATEMALA: Day 2

Today was a day we will long remember.  It was such a privilege to travel outside of Guatemala City to the countryside!  We were so surprised by the beauty.  It is very dry here, but rolling hills were spotted with trees among fields.  Corn was growing on the sides of mountains!  Cows, goats and burros were grazing along the roads.  And men were cutting grass with machetes!  Our family decided we like the country much better than the congestion of the city!  We drove 87 kilometers (about 50 mi.) and it took 3 hours!!  We were so grateful to our driver, Mariano, for getting us there and back safely!  Neither Mark nor I would EVER want to   drive in Guatemala! 

It was amazing to be able to visit a Compassion center.  We were so humbled to see the place where children learn.  There were no enclosed windows and the desks and chairs were circa 1950s!  But the classrooms were decorated with art and there was such a spirit of love.  We learned so much about Compassion and are more passionate than ever about this organization.  Compassion  International partners with local Guatemalan churches to provide a place where children can come for tutoring and discipleship after school.  Older students also receive vocational training and some enrichment classes.  Additionally, students are provided with the necessary school supplies at the start of every school year.  Every center has one paid administrator, but is largely powered by volunteers.  And the sponsoring church cares for these kids and their families even after the kids have aged out.  There are 35,000 children enrolled in Compassion programs in Guatemala!

We met Donai, age 15, and his mother and 4-year-old sister, both named Maria.  Donai is a handsome, polite boy who met us with a huge thank you card.  He and his mother and sister captured our hearts!  They invited us to their home which was a 15 minute drive and then a 5 minute walk down a mountainside.  His "village" is a cluster of homes on the side of a mountain, accessed only by walking paths.  When we walked, we cross a small creek where a girl was washing dishes in the water.  His mother has to walk 15 minutes to haul fresh water back their house!  And cooking occurs on open fires. Evidently, Donai's home washed away 2 years prior during an exceptionally rainy season.  They were living in a nicer adobe home, provided by friends who had moved into San Pedro Pinula.  Our time with them was such a blessing.   We prayed together and while Mark prayed, Donai's mother prayed and Cruz, the center director prayed.  Our interpreter, Lucia, told us that the entire time that Mark was praying for Donai's family, his mother was praying for ours.  Isn't God amazing to bridge people across cultural, language and economic divides?  His mother radiated the love of Christ even when we couldn't understand what she was saying.  We all drove to the town of Jalapa to have lunch at Pollo Camporo. . . Guatemalan fastfood!!  The day was very eye-opening for all of us.  We are so grateful to our Compassion host, Lucia, who interpreted for us and taught us so much about Guatemala and Compassion in our two days with her.  I am amazed at how so many children's lives are made fundamentally better by being in a Compassion project.

GUATEMALA: Day 1

This morning at 5:30 a.m. our family left on our grand missions adventure to Guatemala!  We have run on adrenaline all day and are so thankful to be in our hotel rooms, in our pajamas and headed for bed soon!  I am also thankful to report that I had not panic attacks flying.  Evidently children are a strong distraction from emotional collapse (although we all know they are sometimes the cause of it, too!).  Our big talk with Graciela this morning was about how she needed to be holding a hand AT ALL TIMES. . . unless she was sitting down.  The consequence for not holding our hand would be the purchase of a child halter and leash.  We had been at the Greensboro airport for ten minutes, when she asked me if we could just go ahead and buy her a leash!!  Gladly, we did not need to and she is getting use to holding hands.  The other kids have been great and protective of her. 

The highlight of the day was meeting with our Compassion child, Kimberly!  Within an hour and a half of landing, we had rendevoused with our Compassion host, Lucia, who took us to the Metrobowl, where we met 19-year-old Kimberly and her chaperone, Griselda.  It was amazing to meet the person whose picture has been on our refrigerator for the last six years!  She was beautiful and gracious and we loved spending the afternoon eating and bowling with her.  She and Griselda both bowled for the first time in their lives!!  Thanks to the interpretation of Lucia, we were able to really engage.  At the end, we stood outside on the sidewalk and prayed for Kimberly.  She gave a very heartfelt "speech," thanking us for choosing her and telling us what a difference sponsorship has made in her life.  It was very poignant since she has aged out of the Compassion program and we will no longer be able to correspond with her as easily.  (We can e-mail her in English and she can e-mail us in Spanish, but there is the sticky problem of interpretation on both sides!)  We are so, so thankful for the time spent with Kimberly.

Tonight we went to a nearby Guatemalan restaurant which the kids really enjoyed.  The mark of a good hispanic restaurant is a woman making fresh tortillas and we were not disappointed!  Graciela kept wandering over to watch her and was thrilled when the woman invited her to make tortillas with her!!   What a sweet experience for her. . . and a great photo-op for us!

Tomorrow we are up early to visit our second Compassion child, Donai.  We will travel 87 miles and it will take us 3 hours!  Today we learned that he actually lives in the very town where Graciela was born!  We never knew! 

Intimidated and Inspired

   "To this you were called:  because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His footseps.  'He committed no sin and no deceit was found in His mouth.'  When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered He made no threats.  Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly."  1 Peter 2:20-23

 I have been with Mark on a business trip for the last few days in the beautiful Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada!  Yesterday Mark and I went downhill skiing at Lake Louise and it was beyond anything I have ever experienced.  In my life.  Ever.  We took a lift called the "Top of the World Lift" that dumped us on a snow-covered peak, surrounded by dozens of other snow-covered peaks.  It was so high I felt like I could touch the clouds.  It was breathtaking. . . it was inspiring. . . it was terrifying!  I am not a skilled skiier!  So I felt small and wholly inadequate to ski down the massive mountain on which I stood.  To make matters worse, skiiers and snowboarders were whizzing past me, jumping off the the defined trail, doing their own freestyle, bushwacking skiing.  My incompetence was highlighted.

This is a little how I feel when I read the above verses on suffering:  both awestruck and intimidated.  I am looking at a panorama of spiritual mountains that I can't imagine scaling.  I am passionate for justice, loud, outspoken and quick to vent my frustration.  How can I follow Jesus' example of suffering for the sin of people around me?  How do I lay down my rights and stop whining, "It's not fair!"?

As I read Peter's words it is patently clear to me that suffering is not optional!  We are to suffer for the foolish, broken, mean-ness of this world, simply because that's the example Jesus left.  He didn't correct every wrong, make the disciples behave and set up His kingdom.  He looked beyond injustice and saw His Father who would one day make all things right.  And He committed Himself to the path of redemption rather than that of personal comfort.  THAT is the example left for me to follow!

I'm intimidated, but I'm also struck by love that permits for that kind of suffering.  I want to love like that.  I want to try.  I want to trust God more than I trust myself.  Maybe it's like skiing yesterday.  I can't possibly take it all in and navigate an easy path.  On the mountain I just had to push off and follow Mark down.  I was slow and uncoordinated.  I fell some.  But each run was successively easier and eventually I found myself doing what seemed impossible. . . and then being crazy enough to go back to the top and come down again.

God give me that kind of faith -- to embrace suffering and entrust myself to you.

Surprised by Suffering

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."  1 Peter 4:12, 13

One of my parental pet peeves is complaining.  Without any instruction from me, all of my kids have become quite versed in the art of complaining and quite frankly, it bums me out! ( I'll resist the urge to complain about my kids' complaining! ) I think beneath any form of complaint is the belief that "my life should be problem-free."  Growing up in the lap of luxury, I think Americans are allergic to any form of personal sacrifice or discomfort.  We've come to expect comfort and so we are surprised by suffering on any level.  For my kids suffering means having a lot of schoolwork, having their ipod privileges revoked, having to set the table, being asked to do more than their siblings (oh, the injustice!) and not getting to eat out.    Hardship of any type seems to throw a stick in their bicycle spokes.  They break down in a pile of complaint.  I am horrified. . .

And yet this morning as I read in 1 Peter 4, I realize that I, too, am suprised by suffering.  In different arenas, I struggle with wholehearted resistance to hardship and personal sacrifice. . . especially in regards to family.  I get angry at Mark and the kids when my comfort is disrupted.  I resent my kids struggling and complaining and not embracing "obvious solutions", because I am pulled into a depth of suffering that I don't like. 

I am  just beginning to realize that I have a "suffering paradigm" that does not align with the Bible. In short, I suffer, I learn, I become stronger.   My paradigm is based on justice.  It is right to suffer for my own mistakes, but why must I suffer for others'. . . especially if their suffering results from their own foolishness or their resistance to my "obvious solutions"?!  (Don't procrastinate your homework and you will get better grades.  You'll go to bed earlier and not be so tired and grumpy, too!)  I will suffer for my own foolishness and shortcomings, but I chafe at the injustice of suffering for others.

But this is precisely what Jesus did.  He suffered for my sin and the rest of humanity.  And He didn't just suffer with the single, climactic act of crucifixtion.  I suspect Jesus suffered every day of His earthly life.   He suffered when His earthly family misunderstood Him and His brothers made fun of Him.  He suffered when His Nazarene neighbors basically called Him a liar and rejected His mission.  He suffered when the religious leaders attempted to publically humiliate Him.  He suffered when he saw how far from God these Jewish leaders were.  I think He suffered most over the disciples.  He shared his heart, broke bread with them and invited them into a holy adventure.  In return, they argued with each other, competed for Jesus' affection and repeatedly MISSED the point of His teaching.  Did Jesus ever think to Himself, "How could you be so selfish/stupid. . . after all I've done for you?!"

A biblical paradigm of suffering is not about my individual journey.  I am part of a bigger community, marked by profound brokenness, foolishness, selifshness and self-perpetuated pain.  Following Jesus means embracing the injustic of suffering for other people's mistakes, with an eye fixed on God's redemptive process.  Suffering leads to despair and anger when I stay on a horizontal plane.  Suffering is reduced to cause and effect and all I have to offer is a change in circumstances.  But from a vertical plane and eternal perspective, suffering is a portal into God's grander plan.  Suffering is fundamentally an invitaiton into radical dependency on God, an opportunity to align myself with Jesus' agenda:  "to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."

This is a spiritual paradigm that I don't readily understand or embrace.  There is a mystery encapsulated in suffering.  Peter writes that participating in suffering results in joy.  To date, this has not been my experience.  When I carry the pain of my children or husband or friends, more often I experience frustration (why is this lasting so long?!!), anger (if only they would. . .), despair (nothing I do matters) and cynicism (that's just how they are; they'll never change).  I think that may have something to do with my very distorted view of suffering.  For the next few days I am going to camp out in 1 Peter and try to reconstruct a new biblical view of suffering.  I am going to ask God to help me yield my misconceived ideas about justice and suffering and tutor me the concept of redemptive suffering. 

Yielding to the process

     Graciela is learning to read.  Actually, she has been learning for 16 months.  The 100 Easy Lessons that had my other kids reading in 6-8 months have not proved as effective with my baby girl.  Remembering the difference between short "a" and long "a" has been agonizing.  After a year of "two-steps-forward-one-step-back" progress, in January Gracie was still sounding out words like "the" and "and".  I am not a reading specialist and years of homeschooling have not equipped me for Graciela's learning challenges.  All I 've known to do is to be faithful and patient.  Take the step backwards; reteach the concept again; express the belief  that "you can do this, you are so smart!"  All the while I'm woefully aware of my inadequacies, wondering if we are really making progress. 

     But a week ago, Graciela made that significant step of reading a real book:  Dick and Jane, that old time favorite that was my first reader!  A little chapter in that book launched Graciela forward.  All the frustration is receding as she is seeing that she can read!  Little words joining together into sentences that become a story.  The process has been excruciating, but she is bathing in the triumph of being able to read. 
    This little girl victory has been God's reminder to me that growth is always a process: one that can seem interminable and excruciating.  In the middle of any process it is easy to forget that the struggle will give way to triumph, that all those baby steps are really leading somewhere significant.  This is not a new lesson,  and yet, it is a lesson that I don't readily accept.   Can't life's obstacles be overcome by smart strategies, hard work and good communication?  If life gets too big, go to a friend or a minister or a counselor.  Get advice and make good choices and those problems will be conquered. 

     But now I am a parent of teenagers and God is revisiting this lesson with me.  He is exposing my "parental work ethic" as wholly inadequate.  In bold print He is writing these words on my heart:  GROWTH CANNOT BE HURRIED.  Yes, I am a player in my kids' lives, but I am not the shaper of their hearts or the director of their decisions.  I cannot orchestrate their lives so that they avert angst or jump over pain.  What I am in this season is a faith partner, whose primary job is to hold out truth and trust and invite my kids partake. Of greater impact than my words to them is my prayers.  The Holy Spirit who resides in my heart is the great engine of all growth.  He alone can access their heart and stir a soul appetite for God.  My role in this process is to BELIEVE.  I am to camp on soul-nourishing truths like, "He who began a good work in you (my kids) will be faithful to complete it;" (Philippians 1:6) and "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  (Ephesians 2: 10) The faith that I long to see residing in my kids' hearts is what I need to nourish in my own heart. 

Too often, however, I yield to momentary panic and frustration.  I try to fix, persuade, demand, convict.  I push for conversations that I hope will bring change.  I live as if I can push my kids through this growth process and then we can all live happily every after.  I tell my kids that God can be trusted with the details of their lives and then live as if He can't be trusted.  I push for premature resolution, not leaving room for God to do the deep, soul work of redemption. 

Faith is a mystery and so is growth.  God's timetable is not my own.  But His heart beats for my kids.  He wants them to know His love and purpose even more than Mark and I do.  These are the deep waters of faith:  relinquishing my kids, believing that God is able to redeem every detail of their lives and use it all to bring them to a place of spiritual wholeness and renewal.  To this I yield. . . the process of growth in the hands of a Savior who can be trusted.

Surrounded by God

"Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
     which cannot be shaken,
        but endures forever.
  As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
      so the LORD surrounds His people,
         both now and forevermore." 

I am surrounded by God.

God before me. . . paving every new moment, creating opportunities, clearing obstacles, making roads and sometimes throwing down roadblocks.
God behind me. . . redeeming my mistakes, erasing my regret,  weaving my small story into His bigger story of redemption.
God beside me. . . holding my hand, bandaging my wounds, assuring me with His presence, steadying me when I falter, reminding me that I belong to Him.
God beneath me. . . holding me up, being my strength, anchoring me to His truth.
God above me. . . lifting my head, reminding me of my destination, pulling me beyond momentary pain to glimpse eternal joy.

God surrounds me.  I am held.  I am safe.  The only requisite for this gift is TRUST.  A heart yielded to God.  A child putting her full weight into her daddy's arms.  Hands upturned, arms outstretched, a heart of hope and a life crying out, "God you are good.  I put my trust in You."  My paltry trust offered to the God of the Universe, who sends His Spirit through the backdoor of my heart to unload truckloads of more trust, more belief, more faith. . . more than I could ever conjure up by my own efforts.  God supplying what I need to walk with Him.  God lavishing me with spiritual wealth. 

Why I love Lent

       Today is Ash Wednesday. . . a significant day on the Catholic church calendar.  Not growing up Catholic, this day has meant little to me for most of my life.  But this morning I feel all the anticipation of a child starting the Christmas season.  This day begins the season of Lent:  forty days leading up to the celebration of Christ's resurrection on Easter Sunday.  Over the last few years, Lent has become an increasingly beautiful season for me.   
     Appropriately, Lent means spring.  It symbolizes a time of renewal and rebirth, of things being made new.  Spiritually, Lent invites us to focus on the centerpiece of Christianity:  the death and resurrection of Christ.  At Christmas we remember the fact that Jesus really was born, Son of God into this place of humanity.  At Lent we remember the fact that Jesus really died and He really rose from the dead.  These facts are startling, disruptive, extravagant.  They should make us sit up, take notice, even jump up and down!  But most of the time we forget their significance.  We read our Bible, we go to church, we pray. . . and internally we yawn, because the startling has become stale.  The beautiful has become ordinary.  The miraculous has become mundane. 
    Lent is an invitation to remember the significance of Christ's claims.  I love what Ty Saltzgiver writes in "40 Days of Lent":  Lent is a time to "celebrate Jesus and to let His Death and Resurrection be central in our lives.  Lent is a time for sacrifice and self-examination, for increased self-awareness and God-awareness, for spiritual refocus and renewing of our conversion, for seeing our own need for Grace, and for opening our hearts to be more captured by Jesus' love."
    I love the practices of "giving up" and "taking on" during the Lent season.  We give up something that is difficult and sacrificial, in order to remember Christ's sufferings and ultimate sacrifice.  What I give up is almost always some type of food, because food is something I love.  Whether celebrating or struggling, I run to food for my comfort.  Giving up desserts or bread or caffeine always leads to repentance on my part.  I am a comfort creature, who will let other things usurp Christ's place in my life.  On a hard day, I can be placated with a plate of chocolate chip cookies and never turn towards the Savior who offers me so much more.  "Giving up" something of power in my life, puts a spiritual magnifying glass on the state of my soul.  I see the idols that compete for the centrality in my life that belongs to Christ alone.  I repent.  I am renewed.  I am reconnected with Christ.
   I also love "taking on"a practice that will nurture my soul in a special way.  Usually for me it is a special devotional guide or a book.  Some years I have prayed on my knees every morning.  This year, I want to keep a "thankfulness journal," writing down something I am thankful for each day.  Whatever I choose, it heightens my awareness of Christ.  It leads me to contemplate and worship Him as my Savior.
    But what I most love about Lent is how it prepares my heart for Easter!  After six weeks of intentionally focusing on the life and death of Christ, I am ready to celebrate his resurrection.  Easter morning breaks like a sunrise over my heart.  I am filled with awe and gratitude at this God, whose hearts beats for redemption and who gave everything to make me His child.  The mundane becomes miraculous!